a message to someone who is now up in the heavens

i, just like any other child, have done things in the past that i now painfully regret. i have done you wrong countless of times. i’ve lied. i’ve raised my voice and talked back. i got mad and i got even. i did stupid things that i’m not very proud of. i went to sleepovers that you didn’t know of. i learned how to drink and smoke. i was pretty much your problem child. i broke your heart when i admitted that i was dropping out of nursing school, and again, when i spoke of wanting to work overseas. i was the dark horse, the one who didn’t want to be stopped. i was stubborn. i acted like i never really listened or cared about how you would feel but, still, you let me be. amidst my hardheadedness and my strong will that seemed to always be in conflict with yours, you allowed me to make my own decisions. despite the hurt you must’ve felt, you spared me the pain of not letting me live the life that I wanted. you said yes.

ofcourse now, as i look back, i realize that i shouldn’t have done some of the things which i did. it makes me feel small to go through every single detail as to how i’ve deeply hurt you in the past. i’m sorry for being the person that i was. there’s no clean defense to it. i was wrong.

however, despite of all the heartaches, you have always been so forgiving towards me, and i’d like to think that somehow, somewhere between then and now, i have also made you proud; that maybe, just maybe, it helped cure some of the pain which i’ve brought upon you in the past. i know i have put your patience to the test but with each time, you never got tired of forgiving me over and over again. it’s very shameful on my part but it goes to show how good a person you are.

thank you for everything, dad. you are so much more that who you were and i truly admire you for that. though we may be worlds apart, please know that you are the best dad i could ever think of and that i love and miss you every single day.

from here on earth up to the heavens, happy father’s day, dad.

i love you with all my heart.

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